Whoa Nellie!

Whoa Nellie!

Current mood: annoyed

Whoa, Nellie!

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"



An open letter to my brother Michael.


You almost did get away with it, Michael. Almost.


For years now, our family's dirtiest little secret stayed under wraps. Mostly through the efforts of our sister, JoJo. What she did out of love, out of fear and out of concern for your welfare was huge. Sadly, I don't think you ever truly understood why she did it, nor recognized the full scope of what she gave up for you. Her life would have been radically different if not for you. Simply put, Dad would have killed you for what you did to his only daughter. She might as well have saved herself the effort. You've been dead to me for 30 years now anyway.

There is no excuse for rape, Michael. And no mixing of phrases or excuses is going to change the fact that you sexually abused our sister numerous times over a span of several years. She was ten years old when it started…that made you 16 years old. There any number of words that come to mind that could come into play here…pedophile, monster and my personal favorite: Schmuck. As JoJo outlined in her first chapter of "My Story to Tell", you basically pimped her out to one of your friends. You sacrificed our sister's virginity to make a friend happy, instead of standing up for someone you should have been protecting from such an atrocity. Then you started "dipping into the well" shortly after that yourself. Was it convenience? Was it really just a way to strike back at our father in one of the few ways you knew it would hurt him most? Was it a suicide move? He would have ended your life, and that would have torn what remained of this family apart. Your excuse that "all brothers and sisters experiment with sex" is flawed. The percentage of children experimenting is still relatively small and there is usually an element of mutual consent with such experimentation. Do you think Chris and Jena will chalk up it up to youthful indiscretion when James starts bangin' Lorelei to get back at them? (Come to think of it, Jena just might, considering how staunchly she defends your sexual misconduct...)

There is a big difference in what you and your friend did to JoJo. There was no consent on her part. It wasn't sex, it was a powerplay. That's what made it rape. That doesn't justify it or make it right. The cycle of abuse continues in a fashion through your particular blood line. Dan & Nita's kids have abused one another horribly over the years under the pretense that it was always okay because they "love" one another. That crew has always had a fucked up idea of love and respect, but I digress...Although their mutual abuse was not necessarily of a sexual nature, emotional abuse is just as debilitating.

I know that you didn't have it easy with Dad. You pointed this out to me a number of times. Dad was stricter, Dad was unreasonable, and Dad was mean to you. I was the baby of the family, I was spoiled…yada, yada, yada…what Dad was with me was busy. He was always working at the Post Office. When he had down time, he bowled and played golf. He never saw a single performance during the years that I sang and was on stage. JoJo filled in for Dad & Mom when they couldn't/wouldn't be there for me. I understood that Dad needed his personal time because of the long hours that he worked. It still hurt me that my father would not sacrifice some of his own pleasure time to see me perform. I'll never know if Dad was proud of me. However, I knew that Dad loved me. You know as well as I that Dad didn't say it out loud. He was not demonstrative in that way. (And a good part of the reason that I tell my kids almost daily how proud of them I am and that I love them) I learned some important things to do with my family because of my experiences with Dad. All you seem to have learned was how to hurt the ones you love. And yes, I realize that charge can be leveled at me these days as well…the important phrase involved is "the ones you love". I have no love for the DaNita consortium anymore. None of them. What I have these days for them is indifference or perhaps morbid curiosity. That's about it.

This family is in shambles. I take a huge portion of the credit for that at this time because of my activities and commentary dealing with Nita and her girls. I'm at an age where I no longer feel the need to "play nice" in order to maintain some false sense of unity amongst family members. The resentment has been bubbling away for three decades now, and I saw the potential for another three decades of more of the same with your son Dan and his family. I will not allow it.


There was talk a few years ago as to who the Patriarch of the Gervasio Clan was. Several of your kids made the claim that you were, by virtue of your age and position as the eldest son. I challenged the notion, pointing out that Patriarch is much more than a title, and bears much responsibility to the family. Who gets the call when a problem arises? Who visits when it isn't a holiday or when presents are not in the offering? Who did Lucy look to? Who gets the job done? It was never you, Michael. You were always Prince Charles; but it's Prince William that will take the throne.


The solution to the current state of affairs in this family is really pretty simple, Michael.
Accept responsibility for your actions against JoJo. Pick up the phone and call her and tell her that you admit that what you did to her all those years ago was heinous. Admit that there are no excuses in the world which would justify what you allowed your friend to do to her and what you yourself did. Admit your role in devastating her life. You told Mom once that it wasn't your fault that she got fat.


Yes, Michael. It is your fault. And so much more…

Give the woman an apology. She's already forgiven you. And don't let the fact that she has already forgiven you get in the way of what you know you should have done all those years ago. I haven't forgiven you. I really don't care that it is not my place to grant forgiveness. It's high time you were held accountable for your actions. I was for mine. You will survive disclosure.

(Side note: The Supreme Court system is well aware of your activities in the past and then some…All kinds of questions get asked when you are in processing. They wanted to know why you were never charged. I told them what JoJo did to save the family. I told them Dad would have killed you. Thank your lucky stars that Arizona has a statute of limitations for what you did. Otherwise, JoJo could still press charges and I would have encouraged her to do so.) 

 Update 08/30/10...turns out that Arizona DOES NOT have a statute of limitations for sexual abuse and battery of a minor.  Jo could indeed file charges against Michael for the rape and abuses.  I don't think she will, however.  Michael's health these days is precarious at best.  As my daughter put it recently, he has the potential of attacking anyone as your standard potted plant.  I thought that was pretty accurate.  Still doesn't get him off the hook, however.  He's still a child molester and rapist.  And worst of all, he acknowledges what he did and refuses to atone or apologize.  Some people...


Let's be honest about your health. You're living on borrowed time. That brain tumor should have taken you, but the fates decreed you stick around a bit longer. I personally think you have unfinished business. And I'm pretty sure that unfinished business is JoJo. She's at peace with what you did. I don't think you are. Not in your heart of hearts. I think you still have a conscience buried somewhere deep down. I think you need to make your own peace with JoJo.

Do I expect you to ever offer JoJo an admission of guilt and perhaps a sincere apology? Not bloody likely. Why should you experience such a drastic paradigm shift in regards to your history with JoJo after all these years? I imagine that has been one of the main reasons that you and the majority of your progeny have refused to acknowledge what you did...it was so long ago, why should it matter?

Because it matters to me. JoJo reconciled herself to the fact that you will never take responsibility for your actions. I'm not willing to let you off the hook quite that easily. What you did was wrong. Admit it to her, and then maybe you might be able to finally forgive yourself. I'm no saint, Michael. But one of the main things that separate us is that I did take responsibility for my actions. I will pay the price for the rest of my life for what I did. I can live with that.

I've always wondered...how do you live with what you did? How do you face yourself every day knowing that you destroyed the innocence of a child. That you let down someone who believed in you, that loved you, that trusted you. Ever think that's the secret to your longevity? That you won't be allowed to silently slip away until you clean up after yourself? One can only hope...