It's All Relative!

It's All Relative!


Current mood: chipper



Relatives.



Love 'em or Leave 'em. Can't live with 'em, can't find enough bottomless wells to drop the remains...



Our delightful niece Nita posted in her blog a while ago, wondering out loud why family isn't always as supportive as one's friends usually are. It's a good question, and one well worth exploring.



Family. Those people that you often have thrust upon you, whether you like them or not. People who often do not pass what I like to call "The Backyard BBQ test". In other words, would I invite these people over for dinner if I wasn't related to them? Fortunately, most pass my test. I enjoy the majority of my relatives, as we are a diverse and opinionated bunch. We are very rarely boring. We are mostly creative and talented, writers, artists and musicians, comedians and sages. Psychics. And we're a bunch of "kooks" as was pointed out recently by some outsiders. Can't argue with the assessment...it's true!



The Gervasio clan in particular are a rather close knit bunch. There is darn little that we wouldn't do for one another. (or in some cases...TO one another...) And we can be very protective of our own as well. You pick on one, you risk raising the ire of the rest. We fight amongst ourselves at times. Sometimes with the greatest of gusto. We're Italian after all...it goes with the territory. So it comes as no surprise that immediate families within the Gervasio clan pull together to support one another. That is as it should be. Husbands and wives defend their spouses, Parents defend their children, Children defend their parents. Doesn't mean that all parties are in the right, just that right or wrong, they tend to support their own. It's all a matter of perspective.



"Perception is Reality"



Good buddy of mine used to say that all the time at the Post Office. I think it applies to everyone. Everybody likes to think they are in the right, their cause is just, God is on their side. (that last one always makes me giggle...) Like going to church every Sunday automatically makes God approve of what you're doing and saying to your "loved ones". Emotional abuse is a no-no, plain and simple. You know who you are.



So why do family members feel free to hurt one another with an almost wild abandon? Does familiarity breed contempt? I think it does. Family members tend to take one another for granted. Forgiveness will be offered because, well,....we're family. Probably one of the biggest misconceptions alive out there. We may be related through blood or marriage, but eventually everyone reaches a breaking point. The kids grow old enough so the relations stop putting up with their psycho mother, buried family histories and secrets re-emerge and make their existance known, the lies we tell each other come to bite us on our respective backsides...take your pick. The simple truth is this. We do not have to put up with the relative pains in the asses in our lives simply because they are relatives. It is quite alright to decide that we can live our lives just fine without their annoying input. We can disown a family member if their behavior is totally out of control and over the top. And in some cases, if they refuse to accept responsibility for their past actions. Sometimes, just because you just plain don't like them. Life is too short to put up with some people. Their nonsense is not to be tolerated because someone made a bad choice in who they married. (or knocked up...I swear, in this day and age of umpteen numbers of birth control available....) on a related topic....Honey, I don't care how many times he begs you, because "it feels so much better"... make him wear the damn condom...remind him that 18 years of child support payments isn't worth the 20 or so seconds of "it feels so much better". Again, you know who you are. Aloha.



Friends.



Those people we choose to hang around with because we enjoy their company. And they in turn enjoy ours. They stay because they choose to. They support because they believe in you. And when you disappoint them, they will withdraw. If only 'family' had such freedom.



We love our friends and family. Where would we be without them?



Probably a whole lot saner.