"Oh Honey, She passed away"
Phone calls at Five O'clock in the AM are rarely if ever good news. Such was the case on the morning of June 11, 2011 when the call came in from Palm Garden group home, where Mom had been living for the few past months. A quick glance at the caller ID pretty much told me what was happening. Mom had passed in her sleep. Exactly what she had told me several times on my last visit to Arizona, that she was hoping for. Mom knew that she was never going to walk again, nor would she ever return to the home in Tempe that she loved so much. So she was ready to go. And a lady always knows when it is time to leave.
So I packed my bags and headed for Arizona, to settle the estate and deal with my extended family.
One last time.
Those of you who have been following the Uncanny Adventures of Dysfunctional Gervasio's, or as I refer to them, The Consortium, know what's coming. During my last visit, a new member was inducted into The Consortium. My cousin Sue, who after being thwarted in her attempt to institutionalize both my Mom and sister, decided to cop an attitude with me because I'm sneaky and lack the balls to confront her... Yeah, I know what you're probably thinking right now. That was pretty much my reaction too.
Sneaky is as sneaky does, and in the case of dealing with Sue, Sneaky got the job done. Trying to talk to Sue when you're saying something she doesn't want to hear is like yelling into a hurricane. The woman will talk over you and attempt to shout you down. 30 years of Customer Service taught me long ago to let them get it out of their system, and wait patiently for your moment. My moment came, and I took it. Too Bad, So Sad Sue. You got shut down.
So it should come as no surprise that the first thing I did when I arrived in Tempe, AZ was place a call to my cousin Sue. She is still the executor of Mom's will after all. I gave some thought to having her removed a few months ago after the Group Home fiasco blew up in her face, but decided that I rather liked having her in the position of executor where I would be watching like a hawk. One little mis-step was all I was hoping for... but alas, after the phone call was made, Sue opted to step down. I was a perfect gentleman on the phone with her (I have witnesses) Sue, on the other hand, launched immediately into 'snarky'. Fortunately, I'm fluent. After a few snide comments on her part as to why she didn't want to be executor, followed by a hasty hanging up on her part, I was confident that things would go well after all. Sue later sent me an email announcing that she would step down as executor and named me as her replacement. Huzzah.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Nita
So plans were made and the time came for the memorial. First a visitation for those who had not made the time to see Mom while she was alive. Not a huge affair, but one filled with a few surprises, both pleasant and amusing.
My brother's eldest son Dan and his wife Nita showed up at the viewing of the body. I was pleased that they were able to overcome their hatred of me to actually come see Mom one last time. I especially was concerned about Dan, as I had been told that he had been taking Mom's death particularly hard. Not a word was said, but a few glances exchanged between Dan and I. Nita averted her eyes at all times. Once they emerged from the chapel after seeing Mom, they stood like deers caught in the headlights in the hall. My wife greeted them. As she did, Nita moved directly behind Dan and started crouching down behind him, as if to stay hidden from view. Dan, immediately defensive in both demeanor and speech, kept his responses short and clipped. "yep" "nope". Several people would mention later that they were astonished at the level of disrespect and rudeness on display from the two of them. My wife and I just chalked it up to standard behavior from that particular branch of the family. There are many reasons that we disowned them, and Dan & Nita were kind enough to show once more in public why such is the case.
The pleasant surprise of the evening came in the form of two of their daughters, Danielle and Becky. Both were warm and personable with everyone in attendance. It was wonderful to see them like this again. I loved Danielle like one of my own at one time, and would have built that same feeling for Becky if circumstances had been different. For now, I'm hopeful to see that maybe Nita's influence on them won't be as strong as it is on their older sister.
I Remember Momma
The memorial the next morning went very well. Lots of friends and family showed up to remember Mom one last time. My wife gave the service and spoke of Mom, her love for life and spoke of her many adventures. Notably missing from the family that showed were Sue, probably still licking her wounds and refusing to be anywhere I was in attendance... and my brother's wife Judy. I assume they both boycotted the memorial for the same reasons. I also think it's a good thing to have some people afraid of you. Judy did send her son Chad. He caught my gaze as I entered the chapel. I smiled slightly and nodded my head, as did he. That was the totality of our interaction for the day. And again, that was fine with me. No problems, no drama, and The Consortium on their best behavior. The only wrinkle I really noticed were the crying and fussing from Danielle's kids during the service. Not that I really minded it, kids will be kids. And on a guilty pleasure note, I was getting a kick out of watching/listening to Danielle's husband Jimbo trying desperately to quiet them down. On a side note; I was also pleased to see Jimbo attend. He had previously told Danielle that he would refuse to go to Mom's service; another of the crew who refuse to be in the same area as I am. Good to see that he could be a supportive husband for a change and be there for his wife when she needed him.
Death in the Family 2.0
Now to throw something out of left field to the mix. My Uncle Bob passes away a week after Mom. This is Sue's step dad, and having to deal with all the family drama is probably about to push Sue to the breaking point. (The drama on that side of the family sometimes makes The Consortium look like a Walton Family Picnic...) If I hadn't lost all respect for Sue over the group home mess, I might even feel a modicum of sympathy for her. But I don't. Most of the upheaval is as a result of Sue's own Machiavellian ways. Karma's a Bitch, but she's MY bitch.
I'm pretty sure that both Sue and Judy have assumed I've headed back to Tulsa by the point the funeral for Bob rolled around. Especially judging by the expressions on their faces when I show up to attend with my cousin Bobbie and her family. There are few thing as priceless as that jaw hitting moment when it arrives, but it was truly another gem of a moment for me. And as soon as the services ended, Judy and Chad beat feet outta there like their tails were on fire. I really should find some way to bottle whatever it is I have that has such an effect on people...
And so a major chapter on the Tales of the Consortium came to a close. I wish I could say that this would be the final chapter, but I think we all know better than that, considering everyone involved. For now, I'm happy to be back in the land of OZ, watching from a distance. Always watching. ;)
